Finding Safe Shelter in Christ: How to Heal and Escape Toxic Relationships with Faith
Life can be overwhelming, especially when you find yourself trapped in a toxic environment, such as an abusive relationship. Whether you're enduring emotional, physical, or verbal abuse, it’s easy to feel powerless, stuck, and isolated. But as followers of Christ, we are reminded that our ultimate refuge and safety can always be found in Him—no matter how hopeless or impossible our circumstances may seem. If you are struggling with a toxic relationship and need a way out, this article offers spiritual guidance, practical steps, and inspiration to help you find healing and freedom through Christ.
The Importance of Finding Shelter in Christ
When you feel trapped and alone, it’s important to recognize that Christ offers a safe shelter that transcends your circumstances. Psalm 91:2 reminds us, "I will say of the Lord, 'He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.'" No matter where you are or what you're going through, God is always with you, offering a place of rest, peace, and direction.
His protection isn't just spiritual—it extends to all areas of life. God is a refuge for your heart, mind, and body. And no matter how dark your situation may feel, His love can bring light and healing.
My Personal Story: Trapped in a Toxic Relationship
TRAUMA BOND ATTACHMENT
I remember being in a toxic relationship, feeling as though there was no way out. It wasn’t just the manipulation or the emotional torment—it was the constant push and pull, the way I felt both wanted and unsafe at the same time.
I remember being in a toxic relationship, feeling as though there was no way out. It wasn’t just the manipulation or the emotional torment—it was the constant push and pull, the way I felt both wanted and unsafe at the same time. My family was there, but they didn’t understand how deep the toxicity really went. I kept so much hidden, trying to protect my significant other's image. No one could see the dark side of him, the side that tormented me emotionally and sometimes physically.
When I tried to leave, or when I reached out for help, I found myself alone in a way that made everything worse. Even when I contacted the police or other authorities, my family didn’t understand. They didn’t believe me. They saw my ex as someone who loved me, someone who had moments of vulnerability, crying and begging them to believe he was misunderstood. In these moments, he’d paint me as the one causing the problems, and it was so convincing—so carefully crafted—that even those who were supposed to be there for me didn’t believe my side of the story. They twisted everything to fit his narrative.
The confusion, the gaslighting, and the isolation were overwhelming. I loved him so much, and somewhere deep inside, I believed there was still hope for change. I kept waiting for the man I loved to show up—waiting for him to change, to seek help, to surrender his need for control and fully give himself to God. But the truth is, I was waiting for something that was never going to happen. No amount of waiting or hoping could make him change if he wasn’t ready to face his issues head-on, and he wasn’t.
There were only two places I could go. One was his house, where I felt suffocated and tormented by the emotional abuse. The other was my family member's house, but even there, I wasn’t truly welcomed. I wasn’t made to feel like I was wanted or understood. They didn’t see the full picture—they only saw the moments when I was broken and hurt, but they didn’t understand why I kept going back. In those moments, I didn’t feel safe with them either. It was like I was stuck in this cycle of feeling abandoned by my family and rejected by myself.
And then, I’d return to him. I’d run back to my toxic lover, who made me feel needed, even if it was just for his own selfish reasons. It was as though he knew exactly how to reel me back in, making me feel wanted, even when the relationship wasn’t healthy. But the feeling of being wanted didn’t come without cost. It was never unconditional love. It was always part of the cycle of emotional highs and lows. I was emotionally dependent, constantly pulled between the desperation for love and the need for safety. And each time I tried to escape, I would find myself back in the same situation, torn between the person I thought loved me and the version of myself that was lost in the chaos.
It’s a cycle that is incredibly hard to break. The emotional pull of toxic attachment—where you feel both loved and unsafe—is powerful, and it can make you question your own reality. When you're isolated, when you're not supported, it’s easy to fall into the trap of believing that the only person who makes you feel seen and wanted is the very person who is also causing you harm. The back-and-forth becomes a kind of emotional addiction, one that’s hard to escape from, even when you know it’s not healthy.
Eventually, I realized that I was waiting for change, but I couldn’t change him. The only thing I could change was me. And that meant recognizing that I had to choose my own safety, my own well-being, even if it meant walking away from someone I thought I loved. It meant acknowledging that love isn’t supposed to hurt—and that sometimes, the hardest part of leaving is realizing that your love isn’t enough to fix someone else.
A Story of Finding Refuge
Consider the story of Sarah, a woman who found herself living in an abusive relationship for several years. She had no one to turn to, and her physical and emotional well-being was in danger. But one evening, as she prayed for guidance, she felt God's presence in a profound way. As she recited Psalm 91, she realized that though her circumstances hadn’t changed, God had become her refuge. His peace filled her heart, and she found the courage to seek help.
Through prayer and the strength of God’s presence, Sarah took the first step toward freedom. And though the journey was not easy, God's provision led her to the resources and support she needed to escape the cycle of abuse.
The First Step: Seek God in Prayer
If you're in a toxic situation, the first step is to turn to God in prayer. In times of distress, the Bible tells us to "cast all our anxiety on Him, because He cares for us" (1 Peter 5:7). Pour your heart out to God. Express your pain, fear, and frustration, and allow Him to comfort you. His love is unwavering, and His presence offers a peace that transcends understanding.
Prayer doesn’t have to be solitary. Seek support from trusted friends, family members, or a faith-based counselor. God often works through others to bring healing, guidance, and practical help.
Finding a Safe Place to Live: Trusting God to Open Doors
"God is my refuge, a safe place I was once too blind to see. But now, with clarity of heart, I stand in His protection, knowing I am forever held."
— Nia Saint-Levon
While God offers spiritual refuge, He also desires for us to live in physical safety and peace. If you're living in an unsafe environment, don't hesitate to seek practical help. God will open doors—whether through legal avenues, social services, or support networks—that will guide you to a safe place where you can begin healing.
Here are a few actionable steps to take if you are in an abusive situation:
Create a Safety Plan: If you are in immediate danger, make a plan to leave. This may include identifying safe locations (such as a friend or family member’s house), gathering important documents (ID, insurance, etc.), and having emergency contacts.
Reach Out for Help: Contact domestic violence shelters, local organizations, or faith-based ministries for immediate support. Many Christian organizations provide resources for those fleeing abusive situations, including counseling, shelter, and legal aid. Some trusted resources include:
The National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE) offers 24/7 confidential support.
Christian Domestic Violence Hotline provides faith-based support for individuals in crisis.
Call a Domestic Violence Hotline: The National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE) is available 24/7 to provide confidential support and connect you with local resources. Don’t hesitate to reach out for assistance.
Find Supportive Networks: Churches and faith-based organizations can be vital sources of support. Many Christian communities have groups, counseling services, and outreach programs specifically designed to help those in crisis.
Take Action: Step Into God’s Refuge
If you are living in a dangerous or toxic environment, don’t wait—reach out to a trusted individual, a counselor, or a domestic violence organization that can provide immediate help. Remember, your safety is the priority.
Taking the first step toward seeking help is often the hardest, but trust that God will guide you through the process. As you lean on Him, He will open doors and lead you to the refuge you need.
Conclusion: Your Path to Healing and Safety
You don’t have to face this journey alone. If you are in a toxic or abusive relationship, know that God sees your pain, and He is ready to lead you to healing and safety. Sometimes the hardest part is recognizing that you are worthy of safety, love, and peace. By trusting in God’s refuge, you can find the strength to take the first step toward freedom.
Get the Support You Need:
Taking the Next Step Toward Financial Freedom
If you are in a toxic or abusive situation, know that you don’t have to face it alone. As a mentor, I am here to offer spiritual guidance, emotional support, and help you find strength in Christ during this difficult time. However, if you're experiencing abuse, I encourage you to seek professional help from a licensed therapist, domestic violence counselor, trusted Christian counselors and local resources to ensure you receive the care you deserve as they are trained to offer the specialized support you need.
After discovering the safety and refuge that Christ offers, the next crucial step is to find the strength and resources to live independently—especially when financial dependency is one of the biggest barriers to leaving an abusive relationship.
In my next article, Becoming Financially Independent: How to Change Your Financial Status and Find Freedom After Abuse, I dive into how you can break free from the financial control that often traps victims of abuse. I’ll share practical steps and biblical wisdom to help you gain the confidence you need to secure your own financial freedom. From budgeting and debt management to discovering new skills and income opportunities, this article will guide you through the process of building a stable and independent life, free from the fear of financial insecurity.
If you're worried about how to survive after leaving an abusive relationship, this article is for you. It will empower you to take control of your financial future and build a life where you’re not just surviving, but thriving—backed by the provision of a faithful God.
Don’t let fear of finances hold you back from the freedom you deserve. Click here to read Becoming Financially Independent and take your next step toward the abundant life that Christ has planned for you.
